Divorce & Blended Families

Did you know that the United States has the highest divorce rate?? Around the world divorce, and having blended families is a very common thing. This past week we discussed the side effects of divorce, some preventions and some of the difficulties that can come from a blended family.

First let’s talk about divorce. According to my teacher who has been a marriage and family therapist for over 25 years said that people with low education, who aren’t religious or people who cohabit before they are married are 3 times more likely to divorce.

I want to emphasize the fact that people who live together are 3 more times likely to divorce. In the world, today we see lots of people who will move in together before getting married. I have heard many excuses for doing this. For example, “We want to see if we can stand living together before we get married to see if we can handle each other.” Or that it’s just “easier.” and less expensive. However, it really doesn’t benefit in the long run.

One struggle that people often have if they have lived together before they were married then decided to get married, often times after their marriage they face challenges in trying to adjust and share things. When you live together and aren’t married, often times your money and things are separate and when you get married you have to learn to share, and lots of couples have a really hard time with that. Thus, the divorce rate is more likely for those that decide to cohabit before marriage.

If you wait until you are married you will have a happier and healthier relationship in the long run.

There are many things that can cause divorce, we won’t get into the causes but one thing that stood out to me from my class discussion is that its important how we look at a problem in a relationship. Often times when a couple fights, they blame each other for the problem when reality, the problem is both of theirs. We shouldn’t see the individual as the problem but we should look at the problem as something separate in itself and work together on fixing it. Doing this requires lots of love and patience but we should always remember to look at a problem as an opportunity to grow rather than something that will tear you apart.

One thing that can help prevent divorce is proper courtship within marriage. Dating Is just as important in a marriage than outside a marriage. Dating in marriage is a great way to relieve stress, get to know your spouse more and have a good romantic time together that will help keep your relationship strong. I have seen lots of people who say that just spending time at home together is enough, however my teacher advised that it is also important to do paid-for an planned-out activities as well.

Growing up my parents always would go out at least once a week while we had a babysitter, now I am able to see why that was so important in their marriage.

Unfortunately, sometimes divorce happens. Many times, people decide to remarry and families become “blended”. Lots of times when people remarry children are involved and we come across some challenges. I asked someone who has had experience with blending a family and some of the challenges they had to face and this was their response.

“There are many challenges with a blended family. The biggest challenge would be who would take on what role. Especially when it comes to discipline. (if there are children involved.) Does the step parent also try to discipline? And if the biological parent does discipline, the biological parent may not agree with how or what the discipline may be.”

As you can see from this person’s experience, there are lots of challenges that can come when you blend families. When there are children involved it is important to discuss things such as how you will discipline them and even practice beforehand that way it doesn’t become a shock after the marriage.

One thing that my teacher advised is that when it comes to disciplining your child with something major, the biological parent should always do it. Because often times if it is the step parent that does it the children may say that they are only receiving that treatment because they are the step child or that the step parent doesn’t love them as much. So it is always better for the biological parents to do it.

I think the best thing is to always remember that people are different so when we blend families we just need to use the differences to come together and to become one.

These are a few of the things that I took away from our classes this week and I hope they were able to help you in some form or another.

I have enjoyed this class very much over this semester and have learned a great deal about the family and what it takes to have a happy family and relationships. No families are perfect, they are all different. But if we always remember to keep God in the middle, have love, patience and service, you can truly make it through any trial that comes your way.