PARENTING

Growing up whenever people asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up I would always say, “ I want to be a stay at home mom.” I am so excited for the day when I get to have my own family and children of my own.

L. Tom Perry once said, “The influence of righteous, conscientious, persistent, daily parenting is among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world.”

This past week we talked lots about parenting and the impact it can have on a child. Being a parent isn’t always easy, but we have such a huge responsibility in our children’s lives so it is important to know what and what we shouldn’t do. I have no children of my own but this past week we discussed lots on the subject and I have been around lots of parents and have observed all the different styles of parenting.

Don’t Mix Fire With Fire

Many times, children will misbehave and do things to make us angry, however there are a few things we need to remember when it comes to responding to bad behavior. First of all if children are upset and yelling we always need to remember that we need to keep calm. We never should stoop to the same level as our children, if they are yelling, and we start to yell, nothing will get resolved.

The Edge in Our Voice

Sometimes children will misbehave but be very calm. My teacher once told me that sometimes children need to hear the edge in our voice. That doesn’t mean that we need to yell, but we just need to be firm enough that they can hear that we are serious and not joking around. ( However,there will be times when yelling will be necessary, for example if your child ran into the street and there are cars coming, obviously yelling will be needed to get their attention.)

The “I” Statement

In older to teach respect we need to be respectful, when we see a problem and want to resolve it, a very popular thing to use is the “ I” statement. For example, if our child never picks up after themselves in the kitchen we could say..

“When you.. Don’t clean up after your mess in the kitchen

I feel… frustrated

Because… I always have to then clean up and I feel taken advantage of

I would like…. For you to please start picking up after yourself.”

The I statement is a perfect way to help get our point across but doing so in a calm manner that will help children to see what the problem is. It will also help children to see how they should treat others and interact with them when they have a problem needed to be resolved.

Just imagine if you decided to say something like, “You are such a pig and never clean up after yourself, I am just so fed up with you! You better start cleaning up more!” That really wouldn’t help and your children would most likely respond by yelling back or by becoming flustered and the problem most likely would be fixed.

Punishment

When it comes to making punishments for your child it is important to involve your children in helping coming up with a consequence if they break a rule or misbehave. If we do involve the child it will help them to feel responsible in completing what was agreed upon because they helped come up with it. We need to make sure that the consequences are logical and that we always follow up with the consequences but are firm and friendly about it.

Unmet Needs

Sometimes when a child acts out it is just because there was an unmet need. We should always try to figure out the why of the children’s bad behavior. When we figure out the why behind it, we will be able to stop the bad behavior and help the child with their needs.

Physical Contact

The number one need for children and teens is contact and belonging and that involves being hugged. It is so important for physical contact. Hug your children and tell them that you love them. Physical contact is so important to a child’s health. It is a proven fact that if a baby doesn’t receive enough physical contact that they need, then as a child they will have serious problems with mental and overall health.

Contribution

It is important that we teach our children the importance of work and contributing to the family. Often times parents will bribe their children to work by offering some sort of reward or money. However, when we do this it becomes more of a financial and business matter rather than contribution. Children should learn how to work regardless if they are being payed or not. Work can be a lot more fun when we aren’t doing it just for the money. It can also be a way to bring you and your child together.

Raising children is such huge responsibility but I believe that one of the greatest blessings in life is that of being a parent.

There are many things that we can do as parents to help our children. I hope these few types were able to help you. As we strive to always teach and guide our children with love, it will all work out in the end.